I Want To Be A Sofa | My Weird Addiction

My name is Olympia, um I'm 17 I'm just a regular suburban chick and I am addicted to pretending to be furniture I think it's it's something I've just loved doing all my life and it stems from you know one sort of Christmas my aunt Rosemary sat on me accidentally – she didn't mean to – and I was frightened and horrified at first but you know the more that I've sort of recalled and remembered it I wish she'd do it again

I have to do it it's a compulsion I'll be doing you know the washing up – some sort of regular you know day-to-day activity and I'll remember that I just love being furniture and I have to just – have to do it My name is Nova I am Olympia's let's say life partner Olympia is addicted to taking on the roles of various pieces of furniture Well we live in a very small apartment I just don't understand how she thinks I don't know She – I don't think she – she has no idea I am very aware of this

I don't want to say sickness? Hobby? Perhaps? Um, when you're standing with a lampshade on your head that's not inconspicuous I can't explain it I don't expect anyone to understand it I just fucking love it You know an armchair, a chaise lounge you know I'm there

It's getting to the point now where it's really affecting – affecting me and I'm you know I don't know how I'm going to tell my family and my friend I've got this wonderful partner Nova and she has no idea that I do it You're not incognito I can see that you're standing there with a lampshade on your head I'm yet to bring this to her attention though I'm, I'm – I'm worried about what it would be like for our relationship if I brought this up with her so as – as of right now she doesn't know that I'm – I'm aware of this

Um, so, I mean, I've brought you here today I just, um, I have something to tell you Nova It's

it's kind of a big deal I suppose it's kind of hard for me to say this um (What?) I am addicted to being furniture (Oh for fuck's sake) Um, it's something you know I've had to battle with for a very long time and I know that you never suspected you've got no idea – Oh I know about the furniture thing that you do No you don't know you have no idea

(You do this, this thing) Basically what I do is (where you pretend to be furniture) I pretend to be furniture – no you don't know you don't – let me just finish please Do you honestly think I don't know?! I'm sorry I can't I'm sorry I'm just addicted to being furniture

I feel it, I am it I am that armchair We already have so much furniture what else could she possibly turn in to? Sometimes I feel like she wants me just to sit on her

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