Step 1: Honesty – David’s Story about Sex Addiction Recovery

Honestly, I was prepared to lie until I was dead If there was a sexual thing that you could pay for, I bought it

Normal people don't get triggered to do immoral things 20 different times on a five-mile trip to work That's not normal, but that's my life The one thing from the age of six that I swore I was never going to do was ruin my marriage, and yet here I was doing it And I knew that if I told the truth, that I would lose my marriage because the truth was going to wreck my marriage It was going to hurt my children in ways that I would never be able to make restitution for

I was unfaithful to my wife and to my church and to my children When my son turned seven, I realized, "He's going to need to be baptized at eight," and that was something that I knew I couldn't do And so I made this stupid deal with myself that if I stopped acting out for a year, that somehow that would be OK, that it would be all right for me to baptize my son I could just skip the confession part of the repentance process, and it would be OK So that year I did better, mostly because I was self-medicating with lighter forms of pornography to avoid actually engaging in sexual activity with other people

Some people think that sex addiction isn't real And I ran my life into the ground because I couldn't stop I was in the shower listening to a song, and I wasn't really thinking about anything in particular But I was singing along to the lyrics, and it said, "Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you" And the Spirit just hit me, that all these years in my addiction I had felt like if I could just be honest, that I could maybe get some help and be able to change

But as long as I was lying, I was on my own and I could not stop And it was like the Lord was saying, "If you can do this, I can make you a better man I can change you" So I called my bishop and I said, "I've been unfaithful to my wife for several years, and I need your help" This was devastating to my wife

Instead of filing for divorce the next day, she just had me leave Step one is to admit that you of yourself are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable As an addict, you think that "If I admit defeat, then what's left?" In recovery, that's the first step Once I started being honest–once I admitted that I really was powerless over my addiction and that my life was unmanageable, that I couldn't manage it anymore–hope came pouring into my life She would have me come home from work long enough to put the kids to bed every day

My marriage was hanging by the finest of threads, and the fact that there was a thread at all was a huge miracle There's a sentence in the addiction recovery manual It says that "because of the love and grace of the Savior, you do not have to be what you have been" I'm here because the Lord has rescued me in a way that I don't even have the words to describe Each one of us is made of the same stuff

And we have a Father in Heaven who loves us, and He wants to make us into the people that we can become And if we will turn our lives over to Him, we can draw on all the powers of heaven to change And that's my testimony

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