The Flintstones – Kleptomania Caper

There sure isn't any place in here Hey, why don't you give yourself up? Aha! Here, here, Barney

Slip this on Gee, I always wanted a head like this Hey, how do I look? (Fred) 'It's an improvement' Hey, you look pretty good yourself [chuckling] Alright, alright, at least no one will recognize us

Here comes the detective We're trapped Not yet, just act natural Say, either of you see a couple of kookie lookin' guys come in here? Uh, yeah, they went that way Thanks, ain't nobody's gonna gimme the slip

[instrumental music] preee [siren wailing] preee screech [music continues] screech vroom bam thud Betty, are you up here? (Betty) 'Over here, Wilma' My, you're up early this morning Is that your stuff for the rummage sale? Uh, huh Phew, that's heavy How are you doing? Umm, I don't know where to start

Barney saved everything from his first teething ring Look here "Pledge Rubble Beta Slata Gamma Class of 1,000,020" (Wilma) 'What's it for?' Whacko A souvenir from Barney's high school fraternity

Our closet's so crowded with stuff like this a flea couldn't get in if he made reservations I know what you mean Look Wilma, that's Fred's old football uniform How'd you ever get him to part with it? Simple, I merely use feminine strategy

What do you mean? – I didn't tell him – Oh, Wilma What he doesn't know won't make him mad Oh but, Wilma, that's sneaky That's dishonest

That's brilliant [chuckling] How are you gonna get away with it? 'Easy' Show me a closet filled with souvenirs and I'll show you a man who's forgotten he ever had 'em – You really think so? – I know so For weeks I've been taking things from our closet and bringing them down to the ladies auxiliary rummage sale

Fred never missed one thing Well, alright Here goes nothing Say, this will be fun Good, girl

From now on it'll be easy Okay, Wilma, coast is clear Where's Barney? In back of the house doing some gardening Put the boxes on the floor in the back seat Say, before we take this stuff downtown let's have some breakfast

Okay, that's uh, um Why are we whispering? I don't know [chuckling] [yawning] Wilmawhere, where's my breakfast? What's this? "Dear, Fred, gone to Betty's Your breakfast is on the table Back soon" Hey! This is Saturday

I can watch the big football game, while I eat (male announcer on TV) 'And now, a word from our sponsor' Aah, well, I get this real heavy beard, see? And it used to be kind of a drag like Until I discovered, flint ridge razors Now I'm not only a star athlete I got this here, cave-man appeal

(male announcer on TV) 'Alright, ladies and gentlemen' 'Back to your football game of the week' 'They're out of the huddle into a split tee' 'Rockhouse Keys fading back, back' 'Looks like he's gonna pass

' 'Yes, looks like it'll be a long one' 'And there it goes, way downfield and' crash Receive by Brunately A beautiful pass

[laughing] Naturally I threw it What a game, ladies and gentlemen What excitement Alright

Out of the huddle, single wing formation 'It's Brunately to Rockowski 'Rockowski has the ball' 'Look at him go' 'He's over the end-zone for a touchdown

' crash 'Gee, Rockowski has done it again' That magic number 22 has won 87 yards for a touchdown And now for the halftime activities How do you like that? 22 My old number

What a game Hey, I think I'll put on my jersey for the second half 'It's right here in the closet' Wait a minute, where is it? Where'd it go? My football uniform's gone My helmet, my hockey stick

Even my junior frog band's swim fins That does it Somethin' fishy is goin' on here Now think, Flintstone Think

Nothing's in the under closet except Wilma's junk Nothing in the garage because Wilma made me clean out that junk last week All the important junk was in this closet Wilma! Do I know where your football uniform is? Goodness, Fred, d-don't you? Sneaky I can't imagine what you could've done with it? Very sneaky

Didn't you throw it away years ago? [Fred yelling on the phone] About your feminine strategy Don't look now, but I think it backfired Yes, Fred Bye (Betty) 'Well, you gonna take the stuff back?' I can't now

Fred would never speak to me again We gotta get everything down to the rummage sale before we get caught with it But the car isn't here Barney took it to run an errand Oh, no

All that stuff's in it Suppose he sees it? Calm down, Wilma It's on the floor in the back He won't notice Gee, Betty

I've never deceived Fred before I feel just terrible Well we can't do anything about it now So relax Fred'll probably forget all about it

Well it took you long enough to get here I called over half an hour ago The closet's over there I'm a tax payer, I've been robbed, I want action Uh-huh, yeah

Uh-huh, just as I thought – What, what? – Inside job Funny though Funny? Heh! I'm hysterical Now who took my stuff? It's not the work of a professional

A pro wouldn't take the junk you described – Now wait a min – I got it It's the work of a kleptomaniac

– Typical case – A klepto, who? Kleptomaniac Someone with a compulsion to steal One of your friends is sick, Mr Flintstone

– Real sick – Hold it Are you tryin' to say someone I know is a thief? The criminal had free access to this house and he took stuff no one would want in his right mind Yeah, you got a point there Hey, wait a minute

No question about it Typical case Now you must be kiddin' I don't know anyone like that You'll never know until they strike

These guys go along perfectly normal for years and then one day, whamo! Start to steal, can't control themselves We see a lot of it screech Hiya, Fred Can I borrow your hedge trimmer? Why, sure, Barney boy Help yourself

It's in the garage (Barney) 'Oh, thank you' [whistling] It won't take us long to crack this case, Mr Flintstone Kleptomaniac's aren't your typical thieves

– They always get caught – How come? It's part of the sickness They wanna get caught and go to prison Why I seen 'em steal stuff from a guy and drive right by his house with the goods in his car – No kiddin'

– Sure Give you an example Now, let's say, this was yours A kleptomaniac wouldn't think twice about drivin' right by your house and Hey, wait a minute Orange jersey White dots, number 22 This is yours In Barney's car? It can't be

Flintstone, I think we've caught our thief Uh, ho-ho-hold it There, there, there, there, there's a mistake I didn't say orange with white dots I-I saidwhite with orange dots I Well then, how about this? Look familiar? I-I-I never seen it before

Wh-What is it? It's a hockey stick in and it answers your description Look, Mr Flintstone You filed a complaint Now if this is your stuff, I gotta take the guy in

[stammering] That's not my, my hockey stick You-you know how hockey sticks are You've seen one of 'em You-you've seen 'em all [laughing nervously] Are you sure? Sure, I'm sure

(officer on phone) 'Car 34, where are you?' That's my call 'Come in car 34' Ol' Rockery here 'Proceed to Stoneyway in Wine' 'Code three

' I gotta go now, Flintstone But keep an eye on that guy He looks suspicious to me Ah, yeah, I'll, I'll do that thing Thanks a lot, officer

[engine revving] Say, uh, Fred, what's with the police? Oh, no, nothin', Barney He wasjust askin' directions

– How do you feel? – O-oh, Fine And say, Fred, thanks for the hedge clippers I've been wantin' to take 'em but I kept on forgettin' Barney, old pal, why didn't you tell me you had trouble? Oh, gee, I don't know, Fred I didn't think the hedge looked that bad

Does Betty know? No, I don't think so Well, it's just as well Listen, pal I-I just want you to know that anything I have, you can have 'It's alright with me

' Oh, you're a real sport, Fred It's a pleasure to do business with you Yeah, sure, everything's gonna be alright This afternoon we're goin' to a good doctor We are? How come? Don't you know? Gee, Fred, you've been sick? Oh, Barney

I should've known somethin' was wrong the way you've been acting Uh, what's the matter, Fred? Headaches? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it Oh, you poor little meathead I-I-I got a terrible headache C-c-come on, come on, let's go see the doctor now

Well, sure, Fred Anything for a pal screech Dr Stonewall The psychia, the psychiaci

Hey, hey, Fred What's a pasychiachiatrist? That's psychiatrist, Barney He treats sick heads Oh, gee, I hope he can help

Me too, Barney Uh, you wait here while I see if he's in Yes Well now, Mr Stoneflint, uh, uh, Flintstone

You did the right thing Yes you did, yes Sounds as if your friend needs help Help, help Now, now, you're sure you got it straight, doc? Barney thinks we're here because of my headache

Headaches, oh, yes, yes Oh, that was the right thing to do In early stages of illness, the patient doesn't recognize his sickness Say, speaking of sickness did I tell you about my latest operation? Yeah, ten minutes ago Now, what about my friend, Mr

Rubble? – He's – Pardon me Time for my pill As I was saying, if he knew of his illness, the patient

would only deny treatment

Uh, treatment Oh my, oh-oh I think I'm comin' down with something Do I look flushed? Listen, may be we should come back another day

No, no, no Your friend is sick, sick, sick And when you're sick you need help 'I oughta know' – Oh, come in, Mr

Hubble – Uh, it's Rubble Uh, so tell me, doc, what's with the headaches? Umm, oh, yes, yes, oh, I wish you hadn't asked that Oh, eegh Yesterday, I really had a doozy, one of the worst I've ever had No, no, no I meant him, Fred Hmm? Oh, oh, well, if you want to compare What I wanted to talk to you about, doc, is Fred here I've been worried about him, you know He's been acting kinda funny lately, and well, uh That's what friends are for

Say, that's a good looking lighter, uh I've never seen one like it I'll have to pick one up someday Anyway, I hope you can help, doc

Well, well, don't worry about a thing We'll do all we can, Mr Trouble The name's Hubble, uh, Rubble (Barney) 'I'll wait for you outside, Fred

' Oh, Mr Rubble Uh, may I have my lighter please? Huh, oh, oh, sure thing I almost forgot It sure is pretty

And speaking of pretty things, that big leopard skin lamp in your reception room is a beaut I'd sure like to have that Oh, I gotta stop him before he steals your lamp Oh, now, now, now, don't worry It's nailed down

I've had his type before No doubt about it No doubt about it, he's a kleptomaniac We'll start regular appointments next week In the meantime, don't let him out of your sight

But can you cure it? 'Can I cure' I can assure you, sir, that any man who walks into this office walks out a different man or my name isn't Dr uh, uh, Dr– Stonewall! Oh, how do you do, sir? I've heard some nice things about your work

No, no, no You're the doctor Say, that's right! Which reminds me, I'm late for my doctor's appointment See you next week Remember, don't let him alone a minute

He's sicker than I am I'll have you home in a minute, Fred Well, I could've driven, Barney But, I want you to just relax Here we are

Now go in, sit down and close your eyes and your headache will go away Uh, sure, sure, Barney Uh, where are you going? – Home – Straight home? Oh sure, Fred Now get some rest

Poor old Fred Poor old Barney He doesn't know how sick he really is Gee, Betty, I'm bushed Fighting bargain hungry women all day is hard work

I'll say The fellas don't know what we go through to save their money What I need is a nice warm bath [sighing] What you need even more is a nice, cool husband Do you think the old hothead simmered down yet? Fred? I hope so

Anyway, his temper should improve when he opens the birthday present I bought for him By the way, I'm sorry I filled up the car with my stuff Are you having yours delivered? Uh-uh I left it at the Will Call desk Barney will get it for me later

Yoo-hoo! Fred, I'm home! Fred What are you looking at? – Barney – 'Why?' 'Cause I can't let him out of my sight, that's why Oh, my gosh He's walking out to the car

Excuse me, sweetheart You come back here, Fred Well, honestly Men! – Hiya, Barney – Hiya, Fred

How's the headache? Oh, better, m-much better Uh, where are you going? Down to the Bedrock department store I'm gonna pick up a few things Oh, look, Barney, you don't really wanna go down to that crowded department store, do you? No, I don't want to I have to

– You know how it is – Yeah, buddy I know how it is Now you just take it easy I understand and I'm going with you

How come, Fred? You hate shopping Barney, there's times when pals have to stick together Even if it means going shopping Are you sure you have to do this? 'Yeah, Fred, I'm sure' Oh, boy

This is worse than I thought It won't take me too long Wait, Barney, wait There's too many people We'll come back when it's safer

Uh-hey, Fred! Where are you goin'? We're goin' home Boy, that Fred is a fast worker Wonder what Wilma will say when he gets home My wife asked me to pick up some things Don't fight it, I know what's best for you

bam bam bam You fresh thing Mother told me about men like you I'm-I'm sorry, lady B-b-but you see I I thought you were my friend Barney and, and Oh, my gosh, Barney He's still in the store I'm sorry, we haven't had time to wrap these yet

– But if you'll wait– – Oh, no, that's okay I'll take 'em like this I wonder what this stuff is "Madam Ruben Stone's Cold Cream" Hmm, doesn't feel cold to me

Don't hold that up like that Someone might see it All this so fast Where did you get so much? Oh, I just picked it up back there at the– Never mind, never mind We gotta get outta here

Start walking, I'll hide you Nobody's suspicious yet Oh-oh, I think the store detective spotted us 'He's coming this way' I think we lost him

What's up, Fred? Why are we hiding? Because you go to prison for stealing things in a department store, you dumb dodo Fred, did you steal something? Oh, boy Look Barney, the detective spotted us But if we put everything back, he can't prove a thing

I'll hold this stuff and you be on the lookout for– Uh, Fred, the store detective is coming this way again Oh no Come on! We can't get caught with the goods Hey, you two! Wait a minute! (Fred) Maybe we can lose him in the sporting goods department Hey, Fred, look

I always wanted one of these The latest model too Pow! Pow-pow! Pow! Pow-pow-pow! Oh, quiet, Barney, what are you trying to do? Get the whole world in here? We got to find a place to hide There sure isn't any place in here Hey, why don't you give yourself up? Aha! Here, here, Barney

Slip this on Gee, I always wanted a head like this – Hey, how do I look? – 'It's an improvement' You look pretty good yourself [chuckling] Alright, alright

At least no one will recognize us Here comes the detective We're trapped Not yet Just act natural

Say, did either of you see a couple of kookie looking guys come in here? Ah, yeah They, uh, went that way Thanks Ain't nobody is gonna give me the slip We'll hold up in this toy department till things quiet down

(Barney) 'Hey, Fred Look' Come down from there, Barney This is no time for games Oh-oh, here comes the detective again

Oh, my gosh 'Come on, Barney, we gotta get outta here' Be right down, Fred whoosh Oh, no Hold it

thud crash Hey, that was fun, Fred Can we do it again? What's the matter with you? Let's get outta here whoosh I think we shook him But you keep watch while I return this stuff – Oh, Fred

– Quiet, Barney – 'But, but, Fred' – Shh I'm busy – 'Fred, look

' – Now, you look I, I, I, ah Okay, light fingers Let's go

I told you, just be quiet, I would handle everything Didn't I? Well, sure, Fred But I wanna ask you a question 'Yeah?' How come you had to come downtown with me today? Simple, I came along to keep you out of trouble Oh, thanks a lot, Fred

The boys have been awfully quiet since we bailed them out It's something they won't forget for a while And we won't let 'em forget After you, jailbirds [chuckling] Very funny

Very funny Harr haar haar! Hey, girls, how about something to eat? Bein' a criminal sure gives a guy an appetite Oh, what do you think, Wilma? Do the jailbirds deserve food? Oh, but of course Let's bake them a cake with a file in it To make them feel right at home

[chuckling] Say, you're a comedian, Wilma You're a riot! Now, get out in that kitchen Watch your tone, sir You're speaking to the girl that sprung you [laughing] It's lucky for you that I had a receipt for those things

Honestly, Fred Imagining Barney was a kleptomaniac Yeah Now I got a record I'll have to resign my membership at the "Captain Dangers Boys Club

" Oh, it's just awful What I wanna know is who started all of this? That's what I wanna know Who? (Wilma) 'Uh, sandwiches are ready' Just tell me who That's all

Who took what from behind who's back without telling who? Huh? Who, huh? Who? You're right, Fred This whole thing is my fault And I'm just as sorry as I can be Will you ever forgive me? I don't know I promise I'll never take anything of yours without telling you again, okay? That still doesn't get my stuff back

Oh yes it does We never got to the rummage sale Tell him, Wilma On our way, we stopped at Mrs Rockheads for tea

And she was packing up old stuff of Joe's (Wilma) 'To give away without telling him' (Betty) 'And we both got this awful attack of conscience' (Wilma) 'We couldn't go through with–' Hold it, hold it! I'm gettin' sea sick Get to the point

I took your things back with me, Fred They're out in the car Now, will you forgive me? Wellalright [knocking on door] I'll get it You fellows start on the sandwiches You, Mrs Flintstone? Yes

I'm Officer O' Rockery There's something funny going on here I don't like funny stuff on my beat What's wrong, officer? This is my husband Yeah, we met

Had a report of stolen goods from a Mr Joe Rockhead down the street Found the goods in the car parked in front of your house Second time it's happened Looks suspicious

Oh, you've made a mistake I can explain Ah, come on I'll show you You see, these things belong to my husband

Brace yourself, Wilma You took the wrong box Oh, no! Well, let's hear the explanation Gee, I don't know where to start – I'll give it to you

– But you'll never believe it You see, officer, the "Ladies Auxiliary" 'was having this rummage sale' Sounds pretty fishy to me And her husband, had all this junk he wouldn't throw away And so I took it without telling him

I wouldn't believe that story if I saw it on television (Betty) 'But for some reason, Fred thought Barney–' (Wilma) 'Was a kleptomaniac And he was–' Hold it, hold it One at a time I'm getting dizzy

And he was tryin' to get Barney to return everything Honestly, officer, she's tellin' the truth [laughing] [theme music] boing [yawning] [music continues] clink thud slam rattle rattle Wilma! bang bang bang 'Wilma!' 'Come on, Wilma Open this door' 'Wilma!'

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